By Samantha Gillis
Staff reporter

A blonde-haired girl stands in a small dorm room. Both her and her roommate have immaculate hair and poreless skin. They make forced “perfect” conversation and they smile and giggle on cue. Little do they know that they are trapped in the most wretched film of 2011—“The Roommate.” But the viewer is in even more of a predicament because after just two minutes they realize they have just anted upped one-third of their bank account to endure 90 minutes of cinematic torture. Soon the viewer cannot take it anymore, their rage builds until finally it festers over, they unleash like a screaming whirlwind of green hulk fury out of the theatre, taking human causalities in the process.

Tragic yes, but viewers, producers, writers and actors alike can learn from this devastating movie so that it may never happen again.

Some students have discussed the urge to view the movie since our Christy stands proud on the “The Roommate” movie poster, behind the bi-polar, un-medicated, loon named Rebecca. Well, I am here to warn you: DO NOT GIVE IN. Learned lesson No. 1: We should not reward these people for tarnishing our landmark building.

The movie, directed by Christian E. Christiansen and written by Sonny Mallhi, has potential to be decent or at least a cheesy horror film, but is far from either. Rebecca (Leighton Meester) moves into her dorm with her new roommate, Sara Matthews (Minka Kelly). Soon after, they start calling each other “besty,” then Rebecca begins obsessing over Sara, who starts to notice her roommate’s weirdo behavior. Rebecca begins inflicting pain on the people who threaten to take Sara away from her and from there it just goes down in flames.

Christiansen has also directed Zoomers and Mikkel og guldkortet, a television series which aired in Denmark. It received extremely poor ratings but somehow lives on.

Lesson No. 2: Do not kill off the star actor half way through the movie.

This is like injecting oxygen directly into the heart of the movie. Sara picked up the character during a jog. The star character pranced onto the movie screen with stunning eyes and dashing deliberate moves. She had impossibly fluffy black fur, and was the center of attention in every scene she appeared in. She was a beacon of inspiration. She was Cuddles the kitten. Unfortunately, she decided to bound down the dorm hall. Those happy hops were ultimately her demise. To change Sara’s mind about moving out, Rebecca places the kitten into a laundry dryer and lets it rip. The intense hatred I felt for Rebecca nearly drove me out of the theatre. Although Cuddle’s role was short-lived, she will go down with the best. I hope to see her name in the line-up for an Oscar.

Lesson No. 3: A little background information goes a long way.

Several times in the movie, Rebecca and Sara reminisce about past events. This should have been a moment when the movie flashed back to what happened. Instead the viewer is left cocking their head and wondering what was the point of Sara’s ex-boyfriend, or what happened to Rebecca that left even her parents afraid of her?

Lesson No. 4: Stereotypes are annoying.

I understand that Hollywood has certain norms they have to adhere to, but to play on almost every stereotype is just lazy. Besides the kitten’s performance, there were no signs of creativity.

Unfortunately The Roommate” hit No.1 in the box office stealing $15 million from teenagers nationwide. Let’s not have this happen again. I have already contributed too much to the revenue of this money. I hope you don’t fall into the same black hole. Nobody deserves such torture—we owe it to each other. So, please spread the word to every Builder, stay away from any temptations to see the film. Do not hang out with anyone between the age of 13 to 17 and do not go to the movie theatre without first deciding on a movie (spontaneous decisions can be detrimental decisions). Your curiosity is not worth giving up your dignity.

Samantha Gillis is a senior majoring in convergent journalism. You may e-mail her at samantha.gillis@sckans.edu.