By Lenita Krejci
Staff reporter

Three sad movies and four pints of ice-cream later and the pain from breaking up with him still lingers. Two weeks’ worth of long walks, five nights out with the guys, and you still can’t get her out of your head.

The end of a romantic relationship is one of the hardest things that someone can go through. While we know that it is important to move on, it is always easier to wallow in the hurt of the current situation.

Trying to move on can be challenging. Dr. Tracy Frederick, associate professor of communication, said, “Being able to put it into a really good solid perspective and having a closure, the ‘Why?’ and ‘Why does this have to happen?’ seems to be the question that most people need answered.”

This is true. If there is no closure in the relationship, then it is next to impossible to move on. When a failed relationship lacks closure and instead comes to an abrupt stop, it can set anyone back for a quite a while. Sometimes it’s impossible to move on until receiving the answers that have been left up in the air. If the other person is no longer there, it’s time to find answers on your own. This is much like not knowing the method to work with, and still trying to figure out an equation.

Justin Tinker, theatre performance sophomore, said, “Every separation leaves a lasting impression.” While we try to move on and make do without the other, there will always be the memories to remind us. This however, is not a bad thing.

Frederick said, “After the break up, process the emotions constructively and consider the positives that can come from that experience and learn how to manage relationships positively.”

What we do with the scars that are left behind is what makes the difference. For example, a romantic breakup is usually a wonderful time to learn about ourselves and what we want or do not want in relationships.

Roger Moon, associate professor of theatre and speech, brought up another good point. Mending from breakups requires both time and people. Moon said, “Time. Staying busy and being with other people. Not talking about it with other people so that things get back to normal and treating them the way you want to be treated.”

In other words, once we force ourselves to move forward and place ourselves in situations that make us stop focusing on the past, then we will have a better chance at moving on.
Frederick said, “Often times we view the end of relationships and it feels like a rejection of ourselves and who we are and that causes us to question ourselves. But it’s not a criticism of who we are. Hopefully in the end we can look back and realize that it probably was not the best relationship for us in the beginning and it was probably in our best interest that it ended. And often times we don’t want to see that.”

When we have the dream of being with someone else and make plans around it, it is often hard to change our mind. Only when we realize and accept what we can learn from it instead of beating ourselves up for it will we truly learn what we can draw from the broken relationship.

Though they are horrible, breakups are also one of the best teachers of life lessons. Fredrick said, “You will come out on the other side, but with some scars. It’s a wound, but you can come out the other side refreshed and renewed and more understanding of what you are and who you want to be. Hopefully by the end we end up liking ourselves more from it.”

Lenita Krejci is a senior majoring in speech and theatre education and musical theatre production. You may e-mail her at lenita.krejci@sckans.edu.